Mass Effect 2 - 5 - Thane - Sin

Plot: A rewriting of all scenes on the Normandy involving Shepard and Thane.

Featuring: FemShep, Thane
Timeline: During ME2
Content: warning: Shepard is being mean, romance beginning
Fifth part of Mass Effect 2 - Thane Series

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Miridian was worried. For Thane to call her directly on her omni-tool while they were both on the ship and ask with a somber voice if they could talk, the matter had to be urgent.
It wasn't fully unexpected; these past weeks, most of her squad mates and crewmen had sought her help to deal with several loose ends of their personal lives and she was more than "happy to assist" – as EDI would have said. It was the least she could do for the people following her in a suicide mission. She had expected the Drell to want to meet in Life Support, the room that had been his cabin since he had joined the ride, but instead the man had given Shepard the instruction to wait for him in Engineering. There was only one possible reason why Thane had chosen this place over any other on the ship: the loud humming of the Normandy's core would cover whatever he wanted to say, protecting them from eavesdropping – even from the omnipresent AI. And since the place was visible from many other rooms, like the armory or Mordin's lab, it meant the assassin didn't mind being seen.
All of these facts augured an unpleasant discussion… and a clear absence of flirting.
Shepard exited the elevator as the doors opened and entered the engine room. Kenneth was there – alone, as Tali and Gabby were supposed to work on the Hammerhead to rid it of any Cerberus recording devices – and he gave her a gentle nod as she passed by to walk to the end of the platform that ran the closest to the core. As always, the view of the massive round metallic structure, vibrating and purring while emitting waves of soft warmth, made her feel at home; she had the impression to be staring at the beating heart of the Normandy.
Ever since she had come back to life, she had started to understand and share the indescribable attachment Joker felt for the ship: it was not only their shelter, or a jewel of technology, it was almost… alive. Even more so since it had a voice, embodied by EDI's little blue globe. Sometimes, at night hours, when most of the crew was catching some shut-eye and she wandered about the Normandy for just any reason, her ears would pick up faint creaks and squeals from the walls, floor and ceiling, as if the ship acknowledged her presence.
"Now I'm being silly," she thought with endearment as she contemplated the light glowing of the core, "but I didn't realize just how much I loved the Normandy until I lost it… so maybe I can be silly, just this once."
- Shepard, Thane whispered behind her back.
She wasn't even startled; either because she'd become used to him crawling on her like this or because her instincts had kicked in and made her notice his presence before her mind was fully aware of it. She turned around and faced the serene Drell; at the second their eyes locked, she knew something troubled him badly. He looked as peaceful and measured as always, but some subtle signs that only someone who knew him well could detect betrayed his inner turmoil.
She expected him to tell her right away what was going on, which was why, seeing the man look ill-at-ease and gaze everywhere as if his words had escaped to run in corners like mice, she was forced to ask:
- Is there something wrong?
He sighed a little:
- Yes. Now that we're here though… It's seems more difficult to talk about.
Thane was standing on a slippery slope. He wasn't sure how Miridian was going to take the story he was about to tell her and couldn't deny that he feared her reaction more than anything right now. He was ready for her anger and disapprobation, but not her rejection.
Nevertheless, he had to do this. He could have found a way to deal with this matter alone, to keep her out of his personal life, but the turn their relationship had slowly taken prevented this. He had flirted with her, let her hope that with time things could develop into something more than mere friendship, even when he didn't know if this was really what he wanted; and though he was almost certain he could still put an end to this without settling hard feelings or awkwardness between them – Shepard was above that – he had too much virtue to pretend he owed her nothing.
- I've got time, she replied with her usual kindness. Take it at your own pace.
He looked in her eyes and brutally remembered that he was not doing this only because he thought she deserved the truth… He just wanted to. For the first time in many years, he trusted someone, respected that person, cared even. When he looked into the black depths of Miridian's iris and searched for the glittering spark that soothed his heart so easily, he could not imagine hiding anything from her.
- Thank you, he replied softly. I fear... I've already done that for too long.
He lowered his head and turned to rest his elbows on the switched off console, facing the ship's huge core. She imitated him, making sure that whatever they said was directed toward the humming sphere and lost in its loudness. They were so close he shivered a little, but looked back into her eyes: time to make the leap.
- I had a family once, he said with as much neutrality as he could. I still have a son. His name is Kolyat. I… haven't seen him in a very long time.
Miridian's right eyebrow arched. She had caught from their previous conversations that the assassin had lost a female companion. But a kid? That was taking her aback, even more so since now she was forced to look at the cool, smart killer as a father. It wasn't completely crazy, when she thought about it: she could quite easily imagine his tender gaze falling on the little form of a baby nested in his arms – more than she could imagine herself anyway – but considering how things were developing between the two of them, the news put her in a somewhat awkward position.
"Don't be stupid, Miri." She told herself silently. "Everyone has a past, Thane is no exception."
It was too late to hide her surprise, so she gave him a gentle look and said with a hint of a smile:
- Okay, I didn't see that one coming. How long's it been since you talked?
The Drell had clearly not anticipated her calm reaction, for it took him a short moment before he responded:
- Ten years. He showed me some of his school work, and asked me if we could "dance crazy".
He suddenly wondered why he had thought useful to tell her that and explained:
- We did that when he was younger.
Shepard had to bite her tongue to avoid chuckling: Thane… "dancing crazy"? Hell, what she wouldn't give to see that. She couldn't resist and inquired, a smirk crawling to her lips:
- What sort of dance is that?
He snorted:
- It's-
But he interrupted himself, closing his eyes, as the memory pushed against his consciousness so fast and so strong he could barely resist it. At the last second, he decided to voice it:
"I check my extranet contacts. I expect an update on my next target. The console plays... music. Old. Unfashionable. Kolyat jumps into the room.
- Father!
He runs around in circles, I scoop him up, toss him into the air. He shrieks. Laughs.
- Spin me!
The console beeps. I... put him down. Click the message.
- Father?
He pleads. Tugs my sleeve.
- I need to read this.
I say. I don't... look at him."
He frowned and opened his eyelids, discovering Miridian who looked at him intently, her face a mask of neutrality. He was grateful to her for not letting her feelings filter after his reminiscence; he could not have tolerated to see pity in her gaze.
- What happened to them? She asked in a breath.
He straightened up, holding the edges of the console with both hands, like a lifeline.
- I abandoned them, he answered after a long sigh. Oh, not all at once, he added, seeing Shepard raise her eyebrow again. Nothing dramatic; no sneaking out in the middle of the night. No final argument or slammed door. I just... did my job. I hunted and killed across the galaxy. "Away on business", my wife would tell people. I was always away on business.
The shock that suddenly painted the young woman's face made him jolt: had he said something she wasn't ready to hear?
- Wait… She intervened, looking agitated. Are you saying that your wife… was a civilian?
This time he was completely lost.
- She was, he said simply.
He could see that his lack of reaction was irritating her even more. She frowned:
- You're saying that you married a civilian and had a kid, but never considered changing jobs?
So that was it, the Drell finally understood. At least on that, he could defend himself:
- My body is blessed with the skills to take life, Shepard. The Hanar honed them in me. I have few others. I didn't want that life for Kolyat. This is why, when my wife departed from her body, I left Kolyat in the care of his aunts and uncles. I hoped he would find his own way. If he hated me, so be it. He would not have shared the path of sin.
Far from quelling the young woman's rage, his attempt at justifying himself only seemed to make her angrier:
- Damn it, Thane! How could you do that to you son? To your wife?! What would have she thought of you, abandoning your only child?
- Don't judge me, Shepard, the assassin replied coolly, hurt by her accusations. I did what was best for my son. You were never a parent, you cannot understand.
- But I know what Kolyat went through! She retorted violently, her voice cracking like a whip.
To say he was stupefied did not even begin to cover it. What had she just said?
A long silence settled between them; Miridian's breathing was loud, like if she was coming out of a fight, her wrath still darkening her beautiful face.
- I know what it feels to be abandoned by your father.
Thane was frowning too now; she had been left behind by her own father? Then that was why she took it so personally… She wasn't objective in her statements, he thought, she couldn't understand the situation he'd found himself in.
He looked away and asked in a breath:
- What did you want me to do, Shepard? Take him with me?
- Give him a choice.
He faced her again and locked eyes with her. Her anger was slowly fading away and a heavy weariness started replacing it. When she spoke again, every word she pronounced felt like a slap in the face for the Drell… but he couldn't deny he deserved each of them.
- You chose to have a child, Thane, Miridian said, her black eyes accusatory. You chose to marry a civilian. When you decided this, you should have abandoned your job, no matter how much it cost you. It was your responsibility. Those who kill for a living can never live a normal life without putting all their relatives in danger; you of all people should have known that. And on top of all, when you finally had a chance for redemption, when you could have raised Kolyat yourself… you abandoned him. You didn't even ask him what he wanted. If he chose to live with you, then it was your duty to act like the father you were supposed to be.
She paused a moment, before adding sharply:
- Nothing will ever change that now… But don't you dare tell me that you did what was best for that poor kid.
Of all things he had expected to hear from her, nothing could have hurt him more. He could almost see his son blaming him through her, all the things Kolyat probably always dreamt to tell him, but never could… because he'd left. He had failed his wife. He had failed his only child.
And now even this woman, whose heart was full of compassion, rejected him. Accused him.
Miridian felt lost; she knew she would never have been so brutal had her feelings for the man not been so deep already. She was so utterly disappointed to discover that Thane, who'd shone with so many qualities, was in fact the kind of person to act like her own father… She had hated Tom for the biggest part of her life, and if she had finally come at peace with him, the scar was still fresh, and easy to reopen.
- You are right, Shepard.
Surprised, she raised her head and Thane captured her eyes. He looked ashamed… but what comforted her more than anything was the new determination suddenly burning in his large black eyes. He pursued:
- Ever since I discovered my condition… I've been judging my life. Measuring what I've added and what I've taken away. Thanks to you, I now realize that I was still living in denial. There is nothing you said that I didn't deserve.
He made a step forward, moving closer to her, his expression intent, unwavering, and whispered:
- I would like your help.
She placed a light hand on his shoulder, pressed it smoothly and replied:
- You never need ask.
She couldn't know but these four words sent a discharge in the assassin's body, a warm wave of relief: what she had said, the way she had spoken, the glitter in the night of her eyes as she seemed to reach for his very soul… She was already forgiving him. The gods knew he didn't merit such an easy amnesty, but he could never have faced her again had she refused to pardon him. He had never thought high of himself, taking life being everything but an honest job, until Miridian had crossed his path; through her eyes he felt worthy of more than the life he'd lived. He could be a better man, simply because she believed.
- What do you need me to do? She inquired, removing her hand.
- I used my contacts to trace Kolyat, he explained after a short silence. Something happened that should not have.
Shepard frowned slightly, but this time not out of anger, simply focusing on what her friend was saying.
- He knows where I've been, what I've done, the Drell added with worry. I don't know his reasons, but he has gone to the Citadel. He's taken a job as a hitman. I'd like your help to stop him, he is-
He sighed:
- This is not a path he should walk, he concluded.
- Agreed, Miridian answered, but I don't see why anyone would hire a raw rookie for a contract killing.
Thane clasped his hands in his back as to help him regain his composure, before suggesting:
- I'm afraid someone may have seen we share a name, and assumed we share skills. I don't know why he would accept the task, though.
Miridian knew exactly why; she had done that before. What was the first thing an angry and betrayed kid who hated his father would do? Try his best to bring him a maximum of trouble. What would he do if he discovered that the very man was an assassin?
Since Kolyat had accepted a job as a hitman, there was only one logical conclusion: the kid was trying to lead the authorities to his father… Suddenly she didn't feel like telling the Drell that, so instead she asked:
- What made him go to the Citadel?
- Years ago I prepared a package for him, Thane revealed. A relic of my ill-spent life. I had volus bankers store it, and arranged for a delivery when I died. He acquired it early. I don't really know how. I did wet work on the Citadel around the time his mother died. That maybe why he went there.
"Or because the station's got the tightest security in the entire galaxy… Perfect to trap an assassin." Shepard kept to herself.
- Maybe… She commented instead.
She took a long look at him before adding:
- Thane… I don't have your contacts and I don't have your tracking skills. Are you sure you want my help on this?
He remained silent for a handful of seconds before replying:
- I am… Miridian.
The young woman froze just the span of a heartbeat: it was the first time he called her by her first name. The assassin pursued softly:
- I don't need the help of a soldier. I want the help of someone I trust.
To say she felt touched was still far from the truth. But the Drell wasn't done shattering her heart:
- The last time I saw my son…
He interrupted himself and the young woman immediately understood, seeing his expression, that he was about to share a new memory with her. And indeed, when the man spoke, his voice was nostalgic, distant, his eyes closed… suffering painting his traits:
"They wrapped her body in sea vines. Weighted it with stones. He tries to pull from me; calls for her. The Hanar lift her off the platform. They sing like bells.
- Her fire has gone to be kindled anew.
He begs them not to take her away. They let her body slide into the water.
- Don't let them! Stop them! Why weren't you-
It rains. It always rains on Kahje.
Warm water pours down his face."
Shepard looked away, too accustomed to funerals and death not to remember the acute pain they triggered in a soul.
- I didn't mean to make you relive that, she apologized in a murmur.
- Perfect memory, Thane reminded. It is sometimes a burden.
The Commander immediately started thinking about their current destination and objectives, pushing the sorrow away with thoughts of missions and space travel. The good news was that they were already en route for the right place.
- As soon as we reach the Citadel, she promised, you and I will go search for Kolyat.
The Drell let out a little sigh of allayment.
- Thank you, Shepard.
The corner of her lips slightly curled up:
- I liked Miridian better.
His face remained neutral, but something shone in his eyes as he replied:
- I shall remember this.
She threw a last look at the core, and when she turned back to tell him she should get back to her duties, she found herself alone in Engineering.